Hello dedicated readers (and others),
As people age, oftentimes there is a tendency to forget what life was like before adulthood set in. Of course, this leads to the question: when is adulthood? According to the law, in America at least, eighteen is the official age of adulthood. Twenty-one however, is the age where drinking is allowed and for many is an almost "rite-of-passage" into adulthood. In Latin America, the quinceañera is regarded as a transition from girlhood to womanhood. Bar and Bat Mitzvahs are celebrated for the transition to adulthood at thirteen (or twelve in some girl cases) if you are Jewish. If you study the development of the brain, you learn that around 25 is when the brain stops developing. The age at which you can marry varies from state to state, but it can be as early as 15 (or 13 if you're a girl living in New Hampshire, 14 if you're a boy) with parental consent. Brain and body chemistry alters upon pregnancy and birth causing maturation (one would hope at least). We all know people who never really grew up though, no matter their age or "status." So when does adulthood set in?
My fiance and I both can agree that having our first son was definitely a push into adulthood even though we were both in our twenties. We relate to people on a different level (the ones who have had kids anyway) and we both recognize our primary concern is no longer ourselves, but our child. (In my case, I'm pregnant, so I'm kind of a concern too.) Having our son makes us view the world differently; we see all of the hazards and dangers and threats our world has and we want to protect him from that as long as we can. I see the way parents interact with their kids in grocery stores and sometimes I want to scream. What happened to "excuse me," "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry?" Sadly, it's become so commonplace it's odd I even notice because very few people seem to today.
Sometimes, adulthood sets in when one moves out of their parent's house. It can sometimes bring awareness that, "okay, I have to pay the rent, the utilities, find food, clean the house..." When you are growing up, it's not very common to be aware of how many things your parents do to maintain the living situation. It's also not uncommon to struggle financially because of the shock of reality. It's a hard road becoming an adult. Setbacks are all too frequent. Even something as seemingly small like the refrigerator dying can be a huge deal. Running out of toilet paper because you've forgotten to buy it. Paying for car insurance, car repairs, gasoline... as my fiance says: the cost of living is too high. And it really is.
Adulthood can set in before it should as well. Kids who grow up in households that provide no care or support, or a parent/sibling who is in need of special attention (because of a disease, alcoholism, disability, drug addition, depression, etc.) can force a child to step up to be more mature than even some "grown-up" adults. Of course there are other reasons children grow up too soon as well. The advent of the internet/cell phone makes the cyber world, a world that almost doesn't even exist, a scary place. Teenage girls dressing like they're in their twenties. Boys being exposed to music videos and other things that show how some men treat women and other people. Teen pregnancy or STDs because no one informs their kid how risky they're being. I saw a teenage girl wearing a shirt that said, "Bad Decisions Make Good Stories." This was a black tank top with an almost completely open back. This is part of the problem when the argument strikes on whether or not the way a woman or girl was dressed influenced an attack. You don't want to blame the girl or the clothing, but where is the line? Walking nude down the street? It's frustrating.
There are the cases where adulthood never seems to set in. You see this most often with those who have never had children or married. People who were not forced into any kind of responsibility. These people age, sure, but they have a different outlook on life than those who have more riding on their shoulders.
The problem is, when adulthood sets in, whenever that may be for a person, suddenly life before that moment becomes muddled and cloudy. You often hear people say they can't remember a time before their child was born. It is hard. Your life changes so completely that it's hard to focus on a time that was different. For example, if you look at a picture of your mother before she had kids, or when she was just a kid/teen herself, all you'll be able to see is your mother, right? You don't see her as a girl who went through experiences similar to yours. Going through all of the normal things girls and teens go through. Making mistakes. We don't see these things because, well, it's our mother. It's weird to think about a past for your mother, or even your father. I feel it's really important to keep in mind all of your memories and experiences, especially after having kids. Parents all too easily forget they went through so many of the same experience their kids are going through and it creates a barrier between parent and child that actually shouldn't be there. Parents need to be an authority but also someone their kid can talk to and they'll understand. Someone who can explain why they can't do something as opposed to just saying "no" and walking off. (This isn't to say you should never punish your kids. In fact, I think lack of punishment, among other things, has caused some serious issues with kids today.)
We live in a world where people avoid things because it makes them feel bad. Celebrities seem to be at their peak between 25-35. Before this, they're still babies. After this, they're basically old. We don't want to be old or babies. So we do everything possible to live in that ten year range. We want to be older, but fluent in whatever new device or social media tool there is out. We want to be old/young enough to party but not so old that we're tired at 10:30pm and need to go to bed. This is problematic for teens trying to age too fast, and problematic for adults viewed as too old. In Asian countries, the elderly are revered for their wisdom and experience. In North America, they're useless and troublesome. It's horrifying.
It was very commonplace, years ago, to marry at 16. It made a lot of sense hormonally. Pregnancies went smoothly; you were sturdy but young enough to chase kids and work in the house. Today marrying at 16 is not only unusual, it's looked down upon. So instead kids are forced to check their hormones and wait until after they have their own homes and jobs before getting married, 21 is usually the youngest. If you're expected to finish college, well, it might be a while. Society coincides with this as well. Trying to survive with only one person in the house making money? With a family of four? Nearly impossible. Not if you're expected to pay college loans, rent, utilities, insurance, gas, clothes, food, toiletries... When marrying at 16 was what people did, work was not like it is today. People could prove their worth or hone their skills just working and interning. Now you need a degree and years of experience. And it still might not be enough.
Sometimes, I wish we could go back to the days where there wasn't a mass number of bills you have to pay monthly. Where you can find a decent paying job without needing 25 requirements. Where your "credit score" didn't matter. Did you know that in order to buy a house, you need to build your credit, and to build your credit you need to intentionally put yourself in debt? How many parents are teaching their kids the horrors of credit cards? Not many I bet. There is nothing like spending money you don't have only to gamble your future. Lose your job? Sorry, but how will you be paying your credit card bills? Oh, that interest rate? Don't worry, it'll go down... or up... it depends on how successful you are. It's no wonder homeless people have such a tough time getting out of it. How can you get a place to live if you've lost your job and the only one you can find is at McDonald's making minimum wage? That degree you have? Don't worry about it, you won't be needing it. Just be sure to pay off those student loans.
No one is teaching children life skills today. The fundamentals of survival in our society today, like money management. Like building credit. Like budgeting for unforeseen circumstances. Like how to apply for a job. Like how to clean a bathroom. A job for the parents? Sounds like it. Are many parents doing this today? Not if how these kids are acting in grocery stores are any indicator. My mission is to make sure my children learn how to successfully survive in our world without falling into this struggle of barely making it. And so, so many families are just barely surviving. It hurts me deeply to see the complete lack of caring from those who are making enough or more to live. Like politicians. Sure they talk a good game, but nothing ever comes of it. The amount of money people spend on ridiculous knick-knacks and toys, even as adults, makes me so mad. You never know when you might really need that money.
There is a fine balance of acting your age and being able to relate to those older and younger than yourself. A lot of songs promote being young forever, but in reality, that's become the issue with many people. I think it's time society respected it's elders and people started acting their own age and enjoying life for what it currently is for them. Be parents. Be husbands/wives. Be responsible. Just because it sounds boring doesn't mean it's not enjoyable. Don't age yourself before you're there but also don't try to go back. Each stage of life is special. Enjoy them all.
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Friday, July 1, 2016
Dedicated to All of the Struggling Pregnant Women Out There
I felt very compelled to type this blog post entry.
I realize my blog isn't the most viewed blog online, or the most popular, or even the most concise. I'm a little all over the place, I talk about many different things; I have a lot of different topics I'm interested in. But that's always been who I am, varied. This post is very specifically for the pregnant women out there who are suffering from pain, discomfort, nausea, anything that can make your life difficult while you live it for yourself and another tiny person (or two, or three, or however many little people you're also raising or incubating).
My first pregnancy was fairly easy and I specifically mentioned this in a blog post while I was pregnant. It didn't mean I didn't have pregnancy symptoms like my fingers and one foot swelling or heartburn, but the entirety of the pregnancy was basically a very long walk in the park. This pregnancy is starkly different. That isn't to say it's been the worst pregnancy in the world, and trust me, after the research I've done I know it isn't, but it has been very different. The absolute worst thing people say to me is, "Isn't it funny how each pregnancy is so different?" It's a riot. I'm laughing while I'm in pain and uncomfortable. While I have pain or shortness of breath I can't even identify well enough to explain to someone else. It's awful.
I have been having some pelvic pain during this pregnancy. It's not to say I didn't have it with my first child, but this has been worse. For the sake of having people understand, I want to explain some of the pain I've been having. If I go to move something out of the way with the side of my foot, and this item's fairly heavy, I'll get a sharp pain in the center of my pelvis. I went to take a step holding my child and had a similar pain that prevented me from moving forward, so much so I slowly fell to the ground and was unable to get up for a minute or two. It was also tough walking around the rest of that day. The most annoying thing to happen is my entire pelvic bone will start to feel numb by the end of the day and make it exceptionally uncomfortable and stiff to walk. I'm usually okay first thing in the morning but by the end of the day I'm sitting a lot more. Fortunately, the sharp pain is not frequent at all and the numbness/stiffness is tolerable.
I decided to research this pain that I was having because I wanted to know who else has been there. I want to make it very, very clear here: I am functional and mobile. It's not always easy, but I'm not incapacitated. I came across a website that spoke about SPD or symphysis pubic dysfunction. (Article here.) I started to read about this condition that can basically leave women immobile and paralyzed with pain. I feel bad that there are so many women out there struggling 10x or more worse than I am and they receive no help. I'm exceptionally grateful that this is not a condition that I have, however, for the women that do have it, they receive little to no assistance. I started reading the comments at the bottom of the article. Women who can't get out of bed to use the bathroom. Women who are on bed rest then go into labor and tear muscles because of the atrophy that occurred. What struck me the absolute most though was the complete lack of sympathy and understanding from the OB/GYN doctors. And that is what I want to focus on.
After I collapsed, albeit slowly, I decided to call my OB/GYN. I was connected to my favorite OB/GYN nurse who listened sweetly, told me she understood, and tried to help identify the source of the pain. (Baby shifting on my pelvis as I tried to move?) She also told me that she'd give the information to the doctor that was in that day (not my doctor, unfortunately, it was the other one of two). Not surprisingly, I never heard back from them. This same doctor I was connected to when I was having chest pain one day. I've never met this woman, or even seen her, but I don't think we would be on the same terms. My chest pain was very mild, but was this kind of recurring stabbing pain, just irritating enough for me to call after hours to see if I should go to the ER or something. This woman told me, as if she was reading from a textbook that if I was having chest pain, severe bleeding, or something else I can't remember offhand, to go to the ER. She didn't ask me to describe the pain or anything. I was so mad I'm surprised the pain didn't get worse. When I relayed this information to my fiance he told me that this pain actually sounded like a panic attack and tried to relax me. It helped and I didn't go to the ER. I'm very glad I didn't because it would have been a completely unnecessary trip that I'd have to bring my small child along with to see his poor mom get evaluated and wait two hours or more to get discharged. For nothing. He's such a good child and he would have handled it beautifully, but there was no need to put him through that. Also, if I had never had heartburn before that could have just as easily been the pain I was having and the doctor would never know because she couldn't be bothered to ask a question.
For these women who are suffering from SPD, their pain is extraordinary. It's so incredibly sad and frustrating to hear about because it's something you feel powerless to help with. And their doctors also do nothing. The argument here is, "what can they do?" Women are on regimented Tylenol and it doesn't even curb the pain. (At that rate of course, why take it? Who knows what you're doing to your child.) Some of these women who have SPD find out later that their pelvis actually dislocated because of the pregnancy. Some women are crippled for years after birth because of this condition. Doctors are reluctant to do anything that might interfere with the development of the baby so the health and well-being of the mother is put to the side. They listen then say "oh, well, that's common" or "try to take it easy." You want to seriously tell a pregnant woman who can hardly stand up to try to take it easy? Here's a thought: some pregnant women have things to do. So what are the solutions?
Realistically, unless your pelvis is actually dislocated, there's little that can be done internally to relieve the pain. Tylenol, even though deemed safe, seems unnecessary to use if it doesn't really help anyway (I've seen that more than once), and bed rest is just as bad. You need those muscles to be strong to deliver. (And to possibly take care of your other children.) In my personal opinion, seeing someone who specializes in prenatal physical therapy or chiropractic services might be a really big help. Also, stretching is really helpful, although I'd get someone to help you. As much as it hurts, it can counteract a lot of the consistent pain. Most importantly, if it's a specific activity you're doing that causes a lot of pain, don't do it (unless it's like climbing out of bed or something). If your doctor is really ignoring your pain, or nothing seems to help, my other suggestion is to get a a new doctor or midwife instead of or in tandem. Those women can really help.
I'm incredibly grateful that I don't have this condition but being as rough as I have been during this pregnancy has put into perspective for me a lot of pain that people experience everyday and no one is there to help. I'm tired of doctors who ignore or dismiss. We know our bodies better than they do.
Since I've specifically dedicated this blog post I won't speak much about unrelated things. I am 29 weeks pregnant, the third trimester. It's crazy how fast this pregnancy is going compared to my last one.
Happy first of July everyone!
I realize my blog isn't the most viewed blog online, or the most popular, or even the most concise. I'm a little all over the place, I talk about many different things; I have a lot of different topics I'm interested in. But that's always been who I am, varied. This post is very specifically for the pregnant women out there who are suffering from pain, discomfort, nausea, anything that can make your life difficult while you live it for yourself and another tiny person (or two, or three, or however many little people you're also raising or incubating).
My first pregnancy was fairly easy and I specifically mentioned this in a blog post while I was pregnant. It didn't mean I didn't have pregnancy symptoms like my fingers and one foot swelling or heartburn, but the entirety of the pregnancy was basically a very long walk in the park. This pregnancy is starkly different. That isn't to say it's been the worst pregnancy in the world, and trust me, after the research I've done I know it isn't, but it has been very different. The absolute worst thing people say to me is, "Isn't it funny how each pregnancy is so different?" It's a riot. I'm laughing while I'm in pain and uncomfortable. While I have pain or shortness of breath I can't even identify well enough to explain to someone else. It's awful.
I have been having some pelvic pain during this pregnancy. It's not to say I didn't have it with my first child, but this has been worse. For the sake of having people understand, I want to explain some of the pain I've been having. If I go to move something out of the way with the side of my foot, and this item's fairly heavy, I'll get a sharp pain in the center of my pelvis. I went to take a step holding my child and had a similar pain that prevented me from moving forward, so much so I slowly fell to the ground and was unable to get up for a minute or two. It was also tough walking around the rest of that day. The most annoying thing to happen is my entire pelvic bone will start to feel numb by the end of the day and make it exceptionally uncomfortable and stiff to walk. I'm usually okay first thing in the morning but by the end of the day I'm sitting a lot more. Fortunately, the sharp pain is not frequent at all and the numbness/stiffness is tolerable.
I decided to research this pain that I was having because I wanted to know who else has been there. I want to make it very, very clear here: I am functional and mobile. It's not always easy, but I'm not incapacitated. I came across a website that spoke about SPD or symphysis pubic dysfunction. (Article here.) I started to read about this condition that can basically leave women immobile and paralyzed with pain. I feel bad that there are so many women out there struggling 10x or more worse than I am and they receive no help. I'm exceptionally grateful that this is not a condition that I have, however, for the women that do have it, they receive little to no assistance. I started reading the comments at the bottom of the article. Women who can't get out of bed to use the bathroom. Women who are on bed rest then go into labor and tear muscles because of the atrophy that occurred. What struck me the absolute most though was the complete lack of sympathy and understanding from the OB/GYN doctors. And that is what I want to focus on.
After I collapsed, albeit slowly, I decided to call my OB/GYN. I was connected to my favorite OB/GYN nurse who listened sweetly, told me she understood, and tried to help identify the source of the pain. (Baby shifting on my pelvis as I tried to move?) She also told me that she'd give the information to the doctor that was in that day (not my doctor, unfortunately, it was the other one of two). Not surprisingly, I never heard back from them. This same doctor I was connected to when I was having chest pain one day. I've never met this woman, or even seen her, but I don't think we would be on the same terms. My chest pain was very mild, but was this kind of recurring stabbing pain, just irritating enough for me to call after hours to see if I should go to the ER or something. This woman told me, as if she was reading from a textbook that if I was having chest pain, severe bleeding, or something else I can't remember offhand, to go to the ER. She didn't ask me to describe the pain or anything. I was so mad I'm surprised the pain didn't get worse. When I relayed this information to my fiance he told me that this pain actually sounded like a panic attack and tried to relax me. It helped and I didn't go to the ER. I'm very glad I didn't because it would have been a completely unnecessary trip that I'd have to bring my small child along with to see his poor mom get evaluated and wait two hours or more to get discharged. For nothing. He's such a good child and he would have handled it beautifully, but there was no need to put him through that. Also, if I had never had heartburn before that could have just as easily been the pain I was having and the doctor would never know because she couldn't be bothered to ask a question.
For these women who are suffering from SPD, their pain is extraordinary. It's so incredibly sad and frustrating to hear about because it's something you feel powerless to help with. And their doctors also do nothing. The argument here is, "what can they do?" Women are on regimented Tylenol and it doesn't even curb the pain. (At that rate of course, why take it? Who knows what you're doing to your child.) Some of these women who have SPD find out later that their pelvis actually dislocated because of the pregnancy. Some women are crippled for years after birth because of this condition. Doctors are reluctant to do anything that might interfere with the development of the baby so the health and well-being of the mother is put to the side. They listen then say "oh, well, that's common" or "try to take it easy." You want to seriously tell a pregnant woman who can hardly stand up to try to take it easy? Here's a thought: some pregnant women have things to do. So what are the solutions?
Realistically, unless your pelvis is actually dislocated, there's little that can be done internally to relieve the pain. Tylenol, even though deemed safe, seems unnecessary to use if it doesn't really help anyway (I've seen that more than once), and bed rest is just as bad. You need those muscles to be strong to deliver. (And to possibly take care of your other children.) In my personal opinion, seeing someone who specializes in prenatal physical therapy or chiropractic services might be a really big help. Also, stretching is really helpful, although I'd get someone to help you. As much as it hurts, it can counteract a lot of the consistent pain. Most importantly, if it's a specific activity you're doing that causes a lot of pain, don't do it (unless it's like climbing out of bed or something). If your doctor is really ignoring your pain, or nothing seems to help, my other suggestion is to get a a new doctor or midwife instead of or in tandem. Those women can really help.
I'm incredibly grateful that I don't have this condition but being as rough as I have been during this pregnancy has put into perspective for me a lot of pain that people experience everyday and no one is there to help. I'm tired of doctors who ignore or dismiss. We know our bodies better than they do.
Since I've specifically dedicated this blog post I won't speak much about unrelated things. I am 29 weeks pregnant, the third trimester. It's crazy how fast this pregnancy is going compared to my last one.
Happy first of July everyone!
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