Adulthood, What Is It Anyway?

Hello dedicated readers (and others),

As people age, oftentimes there is a tendency to forget what life was like before adulthood set in. Of course, this leads to the question: when is adulthood? According to the law, in America at least, eighteen is the official age of adulthood. Twenty-one however, is the age where drinking is allowed and for many is an almost "rite-of-passage" into adulthood. In Latin America, the quinceañera is regarded as a transition from girlhood to womanhood. Bar and Bat Mitzvahs are celebrated for the transition to adulthood at thirteen (or twelve in some girl cases) if you are Jewish. If you study the development of the brain, you learn that around 25 is when the brain stops developing. The age at which you can marry varies from state to state, but it can be as early as 15 (or 13 if you're a girl living in New Hampshire, 14 if you're a boy) with parental consent. Brain and body chemistry alters upon pregnancy and birth causing maturation (one would hope at least). We all know people who never really grew up though, no matter their age or "status." So when does adulthood set in?

My fiance and I both can agree that having our first son was definitely a push into adulthood even though we were both in our twenties. We relate to people on a different level (the ones who have had kids anyway) and we both recognize our primary concern is no longer ourselves, but our child. (In my case, I'm pregnant, so I'm kind of a concern too.) Having our son makes us view the world differently; we see all of the hazards and dangers and threats our world has and we want to protect him from that as long as we can. I see the way parents interact with their kids in grocery stores and sometimes I want to scream. What happened to "excuse me," "please," "thank you," and "I'm sorry?" Sadly, it's become so commonplace it's odd I even notice because very few people seem to today.

Sometimes, adulthood sets in when one moves out of their parent's house. It can sometimes bring awareness that, "okay, I have to pay the rent, the utilities, find food, clean the house..." When you are growing up, it's not very common to be aware of how many things your parents do to maintain the living situation. It's also not uncommon to struggle financially because of the shock of reality. It's a hard road becoming an adult. Setbacks are all too frequent. Even something as seemingly small like the refrigerator dying can be a huge deal. Running out of toilet paper because you've forgotten to buy it. Paying for car insurance, car repairs, gasoline... as my fiance says: the cost of living is too high. And it really is.

Adulthood can set in before it should as well. Kids who grow up in households that provide no care or support, or a parent/sibling who is in need of special attention (because of a disease, alcoholism, disability, drug addition, depression, etc.) can force a child to step up to be more mature than even some "grown-up" adults. Of course there are other reasons children grow up too soon as well. The advent of the internet/cell phone makes the cyber world, a world that almost doesn't even exist, a scary place. Teenage girls dressing like they're in their twenties. Boys being exposed to music videos and other things that show how some men treat women and other people. Teen pregnancy or STDs because no one informs their kid how risky they're being. I saw a teenage girl wearing a shirt that said, "Bad Decisions Make Good Stories." This was a black tank top with an almost completely open back. This is part of the problem when the argument strikes on whether or not the way a woman or girl was dressed influenced an attack. You don't want to blame the girl or the clothing, but where is the line? Walking nude down the street? It's frustrating.

There are the cases where adulthood never seems to set in. You see this most often with those who have never had children or married. People who were not forced into any kind of responsibility. These people age, sure, but they have a different outlook on life than those who have more riding on their shoulders.

The problem is, when adulthood sets in, whenever that may be for a person, suddenly life before that moment becomes muddled and cloudy. You often hear people say they can't remember a time before their child was born. It is hard. Your life changes so completely that it's hard to focus on a time that was different. For example, if you look at a picture of your mother before she had kids, or when she was just a kid/teen herself, all you'll be able to see is your mother, right? You don't see her as a girl who went through experiences similar to yours. Going through all of the normal things girls and teens go through. Making mistakes. We don't see these things because, well, it's our mother. It's weird to think about a past for your mother, or even your father. I feel it's really important to keep in mind all of your memories and experiences, especially after having kids. Parents all too easily forget they went through so many of the same experience their kids are going through and it creates a barrier between parent and child that actually shouldn't be there. Parents need to be an authority but also someone their kid can talk to and they'll understand. Someone who can explain why they can't do something as opposed to just saying "no" and walking off. (This isn't to say you should never punish your kids. In fact, I think lack of punishment, among other things, has caused some serious issues with kids today.)

We live in a world where people avoid things because it makes them feel bad. Celebrities seem to be at their peak between 25-35. Before this, they're still babies. After this, they're basically old. We don't want to be old or babies. So we do everything possible to live in that ten year range. We want to be older, but fluent in whatever new device or social media tool there is out. We want to be old/young enough to party but not so old that we're tired at 10:30pm and need to go to bed. This is problematic for teens trying to age too fast, and problematic for adults viewed as too old. In Asian countries, the elderly are revered for their wisdom and experience. In North America, they're useless and troublesome. It's horrifying.

It was very commonplace, years ago, to marry at 16. It made a lot of sense hormonally. Pregnancies went smoothly; you were sturdy but young enough to chase kids and work in the house. Today marrying at 16 is not only unusual, it's looked down upon. So instead kids are forced to check their hormones and wait until after they have their own homes and jobs before getting married, 21 is usually the youngest. If you're expected to finish college, well, it might be a while. Society coincides with this as well. Trying to survive with only one person in the house making money? With a family of four? Nearly impossible. Not if you're expected to pay college loans, rent, utilities, insurance, gas, clothes, food, toiletries... When marrying at 16 was what people did, work was not like it is today. People could prove their worth or hone their skills just working and interning. Now you need a degree and years of experience. And it still might not be enough.

Sometimes, I wish we could go back to the days where there wasn't a mass number of bills you have to pay monthly. Where you can find a decent paying job without needing 25 requirements. Where your "credit score" didn't matter. Did you know that in order to buy a house, you need to build your credit, and to build your credit you need to intentionally put yourself in debt? How many parents are teaching their kids the horrors of credit cards? Not many I bet. There is nothing like spending money you don't have only to gamble your future. Lose your job? Sorry, but how will you be paying your credit card bills? Oh, that interest rate? Don't worry, it'll go down... or up... it depends on how successful you are. It's no wonder homeless people have such a tough time getting out of it. How can you get a place to live if you've lost your job and the only one you can find is at McDonald's making minimum wage? That degree you have? Don't worry about it, you won't be needing it. Just be sure to pay off those student loans.

No one is teaching children life skills today. The fundamentals of survival in our society today, like money management. Like building credit. Like budgeting for unforeseen circumstances. Like how to apply for a job. Like how to clean a bathroom. A job for the parents? Sounds like it. Are many parents doing this today? Not if how these kids are acting in grocery stores are any indicator. My mission is to make sure my children learn how to successfully survive in our world without falling into this struggle of barely making it. And so, so many families are just barely surviving. It hurts me deeply to see the complete lack of caring from those who are making enough or more to live. Like politicians. Sure they talk a good game, but nothing ever comes of it. The amount of money people spend on ridiculous knick-knacks and toys, even as adults, makes me so mad. You never know when you might really need that money.

There is a fine balance of acting your age and being able to relate to those older and younger than yourself. A lot of songs promote being young forever, but in reality, that's become the issue with many people. I think it's time society respected it's elders and people started acting their own age and enjoying life for what it currently is for them. Be parents. Be husbands/wives. Be responsible. Just because it sounds boring doesn't mean it's not enjoyable. Don't age yourself before you're there but also don't try to go back. Each stage of life is special. Enjoy them all.